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  • Sunday 27 June 2021

seeking tears of joy - on marriage equality

4/21/2016

19 Comments

 
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address by The Revd Dr Jon Inkpin and the Revd Penny Jones to Toowoomba Marriage Equality meeting, 17 April 2016

It is sometimes said that ‘you are either part of the problem or part of the solution’.  In our case we are very much connected to part of that which indeed is often the problem, but we also hope we can be part of the solution.  For we have been married to each other for 30 years, presided at marriage ceremonies for about 60 years between us, and shared both amazing joys, and, sadly, many tears with many LGBTI friends and family members for so much unnecessary pain, abuse, and rejection.  So, above all, want to affirm three things which we feel are at the heart of this issue, and at the heart of Christian faith - namely: love, valuing everyone as part of God’s image, and being and growing family.  We feel we need to say something briefly about two things which some misuse to hold us back: Christian tradition and the Bible.  And we want to suggest three key areas of resistance.  In doing so, we hope and pray for a speedy end to so much unnecessary suffering and  look forward to many more tears of joy as marriage is extended and grown.

We would like to begin by acknowledging the traditional custodians of the land on which we meet, the Jarowair and Giabal peoples, their elders past and present.  And we do so, because this helps us nurture respect, deepen relationship, and find renewal for us all – which, of course, is what marriage equality is also about at its best.  For from a Christian point of view, marriage is about sharing in the ultimate mystery of love.  We only have to go to the opening words of scripture from our Anglican marriage service to see that: ‘God is love’, we say, ‘and those who live in love live in God, and God lives in them’ (1 John 4.16).  For Christians, that is the heart of the matter: where is love in all of this?  In the end, what would Jesus do?...

Among other things, Jesus wept, and we too have tears for the ways both LGBTI people and marriage have been abused.  For we are deeply ashamed at Christian complicity in LGBTI oppression and wider abuse.  Why is there such moral panic when it is heterosexuals who perpetrate most domestic violence and sexual exploitation?  Our deep pastoral experience is that both gay and straight people are equally capable of Jesus-like love, of using or misusing marriage.  So we rejoice in all the variety of those enriching our lives.  We speak in a personal capacity of course, not for all Christians, and we respect the churches’ continuing conversation.  Yet, we know, as polls show, that the majority of Australian Christians support marriage equality. We believe it is very unlikely to be different in Toowoomba.  Sadly however there are Christian voices which are very abrasive and receive way too much attention.  This means the Christian message of love is skewed and many people are cowed.  That is not right in our wonderful city which is now so diverse, and which, through its ‘model city of peace and harmony’ initiative, seeks to value all its children.  I (Jonathan) speak as Chair of the Toowoomba Goodwill Committee, which, with many others, has helped us value our multi-faith and multi-cultural diversity so well,  We are, for instance, officially a Refugee Welcome zone.  So would it not be wonderful to be a LGBTI Welcome Zone too?  So we speak to encourage people of all faiths, and none, to widen our love, extend and grow marriage, and to be a family city for every family. Let’s stop being divisive and be inclusive. Truly, we will all benefit.
 
For who belongs in your extended family?  Our family has all sorts, and most certainly LGBTI people.   Let’s face it, almost everyone’s family, and, most certainly, almost every church, does.  We all know it, so why are we not celebrating that fact?  Why are we not doing everything we possibly can, to value, and affirm, every child in our families, every child in God’s family?  What gifts, what joys we can be to each other, if only we can celebrate the image of God in every one of us!  Our troubled world really cannot afford us to be so mean with love.  Marriage is a means of grace for celebrating and supporting one another.  We think of our godchild David.  As a little boy he only lived because of pioneering heart treatment which left him fragile for years.  From the outset however it was also obvious he was gay, as well as beautiful, brilliant and challenged.  Can you imagine?  Why did that boy have, literally, to fight for his life, day after day as he grew up and also cope with homophobia at every stage?  Why?  His Christian faith, and his mother’s, helped him survive.  Today he is a successful IT specialist and in a loving committed relationship with another man.  Yet here that love can still not be fully affirmed.  People like David lack the support that marriage can offer.  It comes back to the Golden Rule, doesn't it? ‘Do as you would be done by’. Only two commands really matter, Jesus said: ‘to love God (the source of all love) with all that we are, and to love our neighbour as ourself.’  So if heterosexuals have found marriage a great way to celebrate and strengthen love, why do some strive to keep it from their neighbours? 
 
Christian ideas of marriage have always evolved over time.  In fact, for many centuries, the Church really was not all that bothered about it.  For love hasn’t always been at the centre of marriage.  It has often been about property and power (mainly that of men), and procreation.  So that is why for much of Christian history, the Church was not too bothered about it.  Indeed, St Paul was quite clear: encouraging Christians not to marry unless they were burning up with passion (1 Corinthians 7).  Now that sounds a rather desperate idea of marriage, doesn’t it?!  It didn’t really help the Church to overcome the very ancient and negative ideas of sex and the body by which Jesus’ life-giving love was distorted for so long.  Yet at the heart of the Christian gospel is this word of freedom from cultural captivities: that God works in surprising new ways.  Marriage is not supposed to be a possession but part of this loving new creation.
 
For does the Bible really forbid marriage equality? As a bible teacher and spiritual director, I (Penny) am constantly amazed at how narrowly Christianity is often presented.  The Bible is a library of books created over thousands of years, full of wisdom and provocation.  It is the basis for a fabulous spiritual tradition which is immensely rich and varied, full indeed of ‘queer’ elements at various points!  It is simply not reduceable to a list of do’s and don'ts or a set of proof texts.   Now of course our sexual and gender identities are key parts of our lives, but how can a single simplistic idea of marriage come from scriptures with so many different relationship models, including polygamy and concubines among the great patriarchs of faith?  In addressing LGBTI issues, how strange that some emphasise a tiny number of supposedly negative verses (about 7 in all), taken out of their context.  Jesus says none of that, but instead consistently affirms the outcast.  When Jesus does speak about marriage, it is thus only to answer hostile questions about divorce, where he stands up for women who are cast aside into poverty.  The tiny selection of verses relate to ancient forms of injustice and sexual abuse. They are not talking about the loving, committed, mutual relationships which marriage equality seeks to celebrate and strengthen.  Indeed, the great Christian marriage image is the relationship between Christ as bridegroom and Christ’s people (men and women) as the bride.  So if God is in all genders, between, and beyond all genders, why should marriage be limited to one model?
 
At least three forces stop us moving forward.  The first is pre-judging things.  Indeed, we are sorry that some use the word ‘bigotry’ too freely about contrary views.  For many Christians opposed to marriage equality are not bigots.  Some put us to shame with the love they show for others of many kinds.  We respect their right to disagree and some return that respect. For, as the Pope shows, most Christians are not congenitally homophobic, and, like him, if a little slowly (!), can work this through. Yet there is a huge and urgent need to do so now without fear and defensiveness. That is how we have always developed. In the past, humans made assumptions about the nature of creation, about slavery, and about women’s place in the world, which, rightly, we no longer hold today.  If you read that history, you hear the same kind of arguments we hear today against marriage equality: that it is unscriptural, unnatural, ungodly, destructive of the very basis of society, and so on.  Yet those turned out to be pre-judgements, prejudices.  When we let go of them, we enlarged all our lives and deepened our love (and our religion).  We can surely do it again.
 
The marriage debate is also about power.   I (Penny) know about that from my own struggle to become one of the first female priests.  Resistance is inevitable because marriage equality calls us to develop marriage further as a relationship of loving mutuality, not of ordered difference. We have already come a long way.  Mainstream Christian marriage services no longer talk about marriage as a bridle for sin, but say it is above all a partnership: to strengthen lovers in heart, mind and body, in joy, tenderness and understanding.  Then they speak about the possibility of children, though having them is not a marriage requirement.  As a fellow Anglican priest in Sydney says, there are really then only two questions to ask about extending marriage to same sex partners: will it strengthen social stability, and will it provide a more secure environment for children?  The answer is an obvious yes, on both counts.  Surely those are things all of us must want?    
 
A final reason for resistance is privilege.  Civil marriage does not belong to any one group, so why are some unwilling to share?  It will not make any marriage any less.  Marriage is a symbol and, as religious people above all should know, symbols mean something.  When we have marriage equality, it will be one more healing release from clinging to privileges; one more letting go of prejudices; one more turning of power into love.  So let us not waste any more time.  There are so many other things to be done.  Penny and I do not have many more tears to cry with those unnecessarily broken by homophobia, but we do have time and tears for love and for its celebration.  With God’s blessing, let us make it so.
19 Comments
Martin Hadfield
4/23/2016 07:50:45 pm

Thank you for saying so eloquently what many Christians I know feel but are scared to voice. Peace.

Reply
Jon Inkpin
4/23/2016 09:20:38 pm

Many thanks Martin - much appreciated. I feel you are indeed right that it is not easy for many to speak freely. I believe this will change and I hope that more and more Churches will try to encourage such freedom of conscience and genuinely open, prayerful reflection. I sometimes fear come are merely painting themselves into a fearful little corner.

Reply
Claude Mostowik
4/24/2016 01:45:06 pm

Dear Penny and Jonathan, thank you for your courage and speaking so strong and truthfully on behalf of many who are needlessly discriminated against. I was particularly touched by the story of your god son

Reply
Jon Inkpin
4/25/2016 04:16:11 pm

Thanks Claude - you are an amazing inspiration to us in speaking out on so many vital things!

Reply
John Faulkner
4/24/2016 02:53:34 pm

Dear Penny and Jon. I have just read what you said at Toowoomba and my face is dripping with tears. I am the guy who challenged Lyle Shelton and the ACL on QandA. I am not clergy and my biblical experience cannot compete with "bible scholars" even though I have had exposure since I was born. Following the QandA session I was accosted by two clergy who were obviously in the other camp. The first started at me with bible references - Huh? and the second dressed in full bib and collar got me in the lobby wanting to know what church I attended and then wanted to know all about my family - Goodness me!!
On the other hand a Salvation Army Chaplain said exactly what the other comments have said about having the courage to stand up for what we understand and believe in.
Everything you have said is exactly what I, and most other "normal' Christians believe. You have given me the words I need to express my opinions and feelings.

Thank you.

Reply
Jon Inkpin
4/25/2016 04:21:07 pm

Many thanks John - we are deeply moved by your love and courage. There is much fear around - and the Bible can be used as defensive wall as well as a pathway to joy - but opening things up as you have done for people nationally is so freeing and healing for us all (including many who are currently resistant)!

Reply
Tim Jones
4/24/2016 05:17:50 pm

This article bring me to tears, but not for the same reason as it may others.
I have gay friends, a gay cousin, and my secretary is gay, and I loved them dearly, but I believd that marriage should be between one man and one woman.
I'd love to be convinced otherwise, but I'm once again disheartened by your article which offers no biblical basis for gay marriage, or even that homosexuality isn't a sin.
I understand love, I understand grace, but neither of these things allow us to flaunt biblical principles. It's sad to see pastors expressing these opinions which are not that of the church or Christ.

Reply
Jon Inkpin
4/25/2016 04:31:21 pm

Thanks Tim, I appreciate where you are coming from and acknowledge your love for others. The short address we gave didn't really have time to look at the biblical material in close detail but we feel that it all reflected a deep prayerful and biblically-based faith. One of the issues for Christians who disagree is, I think, the inevitably human-limited frameworks we tend to impose on scripture which can magnify or distort some elements which others see quite differently - all from genuine grounds of both scriptural study and conscience. The views we hold are shared by an increasing number of Christians and whole churches as we look afresh at these issues with deeper scholarly attention to context and the liberating spirit of Jesus who broke down false boundaries (even some held most tightly for religious reasons).

Reply
Simon Joanknecht
4/24/2016 08:28:05 pm

Having read your article, I could not but be reminded of something that I read by Fyodor Dostoyevsky - sentimentality breeds socialism.
Dr.Glenn R. Martin made this rather profound statement, that the promotion of the homosexual life style is the cutting edge of socialism.
We live in a world that is dominated by the principle if sowing and reaping it has a positive and negative aspect to it. This life style is not helpful for the individuals involved and not good for society as a whole. People who have adopted the homosexual life style for what ever reason suffer from many emotional and psychiatric and physiological issues that torment them and many choose suicide as the way of escape out of their troubles. It seems that the hardest thing for us all is to acknowledge that we are all sinners in need of Gods love mercy and grace, and it is found at the foot of the cross in repentance for Jesus has paid the price for us, so we can be free from guilt and shame and have a new life in Him.

Reply
Jon Inkpin
4/25/2016 04:42:31 pm

That is an interesting quotation from Dostoevsky - could we also say cynicism and false conviction breeds callous capitalism? I quite agree that we are all sinners and new life lies in the pathway Jesus created - but if this is (as I agree) about grace, why do particular human characteristics (like our gender, sexuality, ethnicity etc) matter so much (as Galatians 3.28 says)?
I think Dr Martin is quite wrong - not least as many LGBTI+ people I know are not at all socialists! There are also indeed, as you say, many emotional and psychiatric and physiological issues associated with many LGBTI+ issues - but also immense joy, peace, stability and faithfulness (exactly what marriage seeks to celebrate and strengthen) - does religious shaming, denigration and exclusion really help people to work through these?

Reply
Simon Joanknecht
5/14/2016 10:10:03 pm

It seems ironic that you are using your privileged position in our capitalist society to promote something that will ultimately undermine it. What you are promoting is a boutique life style. As sure as God created little green apples the chickens are going to come home to roost. Marriage is between a man and a woman. The two genders male and female , belong to the creation pattern. The source of all truth is God. Fornication, adultery, homosexuality are a radical departure from God's order for human relationships, descending into the disorder of moral perversity. The outcomes teach us the seriousness of breaching standards that are not merely social customs but a creation ordinance of God. Is what you are championing self gratification at any cost and or the voltage of an emotional experience? Your sentimentality and bleeding heart romanticism does not cut the mustard. The proposed freakish notion that 2 males and 2 females can be united in marriage is ludicrous. This issue has huge ramifications for our society, thankfully the canary in the coal mine is still singing, but if it stops singing you will know why. Your quoting of Galatians 3:28 is disingenuous.

Amanda Anderson
4/25/2016 01:35:13 am

It's such a shame to see pastors leading others astray with unbiblical teachings. We can't turn a blind eye to the parts of the bible that don't agree with societal norms.
Pastors should take a stand, not capitulate to the masses.

Reply
Jon Inkpin
4/25/2016 04:55:43 pm

Thanks Amanda - I quite agree that we can't turn a blind eye to parts of the Bible that don't agree with societal norms - sadly, despite the Pope's best efforts for example, there are not enough Christians speaking out for on issues such as refugee policy, armaments, economic injustice and abuse of God's Creation!

Good sexual and inter-personal relationships are also, of course, important teachings we derive from the Bible. Yet even within the pages of the Bible we have a range of practices and attitudes adopted by God's people - many of which (for example in the case of polygamy, slavery, and the place of women) we have long since agreed may have been contextually appropriate in their time but do not accord with our knowledge and experience today, and, crucially, our understanding of God's love in Jesus Christ which knows no gender, ethnic or other boundaries. Rather we are called - as in Philippians 4.8 - to consider ''whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." - it is those beautiful things in people of same-sex orientation that marriage equality seeks to affirm and strengthen.

Please be assured that speaking out on these issues is hardly capitulation - as I know it perplexes you and some other Christians - but a stand of conscience.

Reply
Jon Inkpin
5/15/2016 12:10:56 am

Dear Simon - re your second response above...
Time will certainly tell, but our knowledge of history and nature surely suggests that it is actually ideological simplicity (about various forms of identity) which undermines sustainable society. That is a romantic fantasy. Appropriately affirming God-given diversity is in fact facing reality . Merely because some choose to read certain 'orders of existence' into God and religion does not make them so but it does create both social stress and unkindness by trying to force us all into a Procrustean bed of false and unhealthy restrictions. Galatians 3.28 was rightly a thorn in the flesh of those who sought to defend racial, economic and gender oppression in the past so it is no surprise you find it 'disingenuous' now.
Again, my concern is to follow the liberating praxis of Jesus, rather than defend any inherited or notional system of society, capitalist or otherwise. It is baffling to me why extending marriage - as a source of commitment, support and grace - undermines relationships. Surely it self-evidently enhances us all.

Reply
Simon Joanknecht
5/15/2016 12:56:06 am

The bedrock principle of non contradiction i.e, that a thing cannot both be and not be in the same way, at the same time, in the same place.
It seems to me that all you are trying to do is put lipstick on a pig, you cannot make something that you think it should be when it is not, the mental gymnastics that you must employ is tantamount to a Boeing 777 coming into land and being hit with wind sheer, the stress that is generated must be huge. The question I should like to put to you is in a nut shell, this: " Do you despise or do you respect mankind, you its future saviour?

Reply
Jon Inkpin
5/15/2016 01:49:53 am

It is my respect for humanity - that is, for God's creation of wonderful diverse people - which is indeed at the heart of the issue. Why would we want to despise people because of the way God made them? There is no mental gymnastics involved. The kind of stress you mention is that currently produced by those who are still trying to make totems of biblical verses and interpretations, ignoring reason and experience today. The spirit of Pentecost is about God's love breaking down barriers, following Jesus in calling people of many varied characteristics into loving relationship with the source of eternal compassion which makes us all. Each of us falls short of God's glory but, through grace, we are invited to love one another, in spirit, mind and body. It is not a matter of sexual orientation, any more than it is a matter of race, gender, or status in life.

Simon Joanknecht
5/30/2016 06:47:27 pm

Pride grows in the human heart like lard on a pig, Alexander Ssolzhenitsyn.
What is it about human pride that insists our generation is the one to finally see the unmediated and unadulterated truth?
I think maybe at last the penny might have dropped for you in light of Roz Ward's "comment of the need to get rid of the racist Australian flag on top of state parliament (Victoria) and get a red one up there and her work is done" she has shown her Marxist agenda. Welcome to the LGBTIQ+ Inquisition.

Reply
Jon Inkpin
5/31/2016 03:18:51 am

The possibility of human pride is indeed something to weigh in the balance when conscience wrestles with truth and new insights. I certainly would not aspire to know 'unmediated and unadulterated truth' but I suspect few LGBTI proponents would either - having suffered so long from such claims by others. I do wonder however whether such argument about human pride was not also used against other human developments in the past (from those who first saw the world as round, or not the centre of the solar system, or women as equal to men etc)? Is it not part of God's gift of intelligence and conscience that we use them to change things when experience and fresh understanding makes this necessary? Is this not part of the role of the Holy Spirit?
Roz Ward may have her own agenda but her views are hardly representative of LGBTI people as a whole - indeed leading figures such as Cate Macgregor have spoken out against her views.

Reply
Avery Baker link
1/19/2021 02:23:02 am

Appreeciate this blog post

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    sermons and reflections from Penny Jones & Josephine Inkpin, a married Anglican clergy couple serving with the Uniting Church in Sydney

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